Ableism In Yoga

 

            When I recently listened to the Yoga is Dead Podcast episode “Vegans killed yoga,” it first made me reflect on the need to stop prioritizing the way ourbody looks. But then, as I thought more about it, I realized that we also need to stop idealizing certain ways our body can act. To do anything else is to further enable the culture of ableism commonly seen in yoga and other wellness.

 

            The podcast talked about a man who was upset by the fact that some yoga classes were called “advanced”, when on some days for someone with chronic illness “advanced” is getting out of bed. As someone who has experienced chronic illness, I immediately connected to this feeling. It isn’t fair to label some actions as for “more advanced yogis” when in fact, it has nothing to do with your ability to do yoga. It has to do with physical ability. And for some, that might look different.

 

            For me, there are days when getting out of bed is not possible, and there are other days when I can get up but I could never dream of doing an “advanced” yoga class. And other days, those are my favorite things. But on the days when it isn’t possible, the last thing I need is someone else telling me that I “should” be able to do that. That as a yoga teacher, or someone who has been practicing yoga for a long time, I should be at a high enough level to do that. Because my ability to practice yoga should have nothing to do with what my body can physically do on any given day. On those days, the voice in my head usually makes me feel guilty enough for things I can’t do. If I can go to a yoga class or practice yoga at home, there is no reason I should feel guilty for what that practice looks like or doesn’t look like.

 

            Yoga is defined as “the ability to direct the mind without distraction or interruption” according to Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. This text is often considered by yoga teachers and experts to be the standard guide to yoga, as it outlines basic principles that yoga follows. In this definition, it says nothing about the physical body. Similarly, in the Bhagavad Gita as translated by EknathEaswaran, Krishna (the embodiment of The Self) says, “yoga is perfect evenness of mind.” (Easwaran 94). Yoga isn’t about contorting your body into poses for pictures on Instagram. Some of the most accomplished yogis in the world never practice many of the asanas. Monks are advanced yoga practitioners, even those who sit still for hours every day, for they are practicing evenness of mind. Yoga literally means- to yoke- or union, of body, mind, and soul. Thus, yoga is any practice which unifies the body, mind, and soul.

 

Meditation is practicing yoga

 

            In my own life, I have seen the negative effects of this type of language. In college, I never went to “power yoga” with my friends. I was too sick to be able to do the physically demanding poses, and I didn’t want to be judged as not being “good at yoga.” The class was very fitness-based, and people didn’t go to that class who couldn’t keep up. I once heard people laughing about the “old people” who came to the class and “couldn’t even do the two minute planks.” After that, I knew I would never go to that class. There have been times in my life when I can do those planks, but at that point in my life, I would often be in tears of pain just from walking to class. Why would I subject myself to a yoga class where I would be mocked for not being able to keep up? Luckily, I found another workshop that was based on mindfulness and reflection that allowed me to practice yoga in a group setting that wasn’t physically demanding. I could go there no matter how I was feeling, and knowing that made me always feel welcome and part of the group: they would accept me even knowing that I was sick. These experiences have showed me how personal the problems that ableism creates can be. I already felt so guilty about my physical disabilities during those years that I would never have put myself in a setting where my ability might be questioned. Until I found that mindfulness course, I avoided any mention of yoga because I feared my body “couldn’t do it anymore.”

 

            I realize that yoga teachers need a way to set “levels” for their courses so students can know what to expect. I plan to use an idea that was used to describe our college orientation trips: flavors of salsa. The most physically demanding classes will be “Spicy”, moderate intensity will be “medium,” and less active/restorative classes will be “mild.” This way, there is no correlation between yoga “skill” and the type of class. How can you make the language you use in your yoga classes more welcoming to all? This week, as you practice yoga in your own practice and in classes, be aware of ableism as it appears. Be gentle with yourself first: it’s okay if you can’t do every pose or it doesn’t look the way you wish it did. Remember, there is no way yogis are supposed to look. Be yourself, and be proud of it.

Can we stop complimenting people for this?

I just listened to an episode of the Yoga Is Dead Podcast called “Vegans killed Yoga.” And I didn’t expect to have such a strong reaction to it, but I definitely did. The part that resonated the most strongly with me was the common practice of equating thinness with wellness. In yoga, we often see white, thin, strong women as the ideal “yoga body.” Obviously, there is no yoga body. But that isn’t always easy to remember. And I think everybody (and especially anybody with influence in the wellness industry) needs to actively work to dismantle this idea.

 

            In this episode, they did a great job of discussing how often being heavier is often healthy, while losing weight can be a sign of unhealthy habits or a symptom of disease. People often loose weight when they get cancer, or while on medication for many different diseases. Additionally, some people lose weight because of unhealthy eating habits: maybe they restrict their eating and aren’t giving themselves enough fuel and nutrients for their body to be healthy.

 

            For me personally, this has really been an issue lately. When I was extremely sick with a chronic illness for the past two years, my weight fluctuated. At the beginning, I gained weight because I stopped almost all physical activity because it was too painful to even walk to class. But more recently, I’ve been losing weight.

 

            As I’ve lost weight, I’ve been more hyperaware of comments surrounding my weight. Some people have complimented me on it, “Wow, you’ve lost weight recently,” or “You look so much healthier now.” Other people have made comments implying that everyone should lose weight-when a cousin sent a picture of the pre-packaged breakfasts she was given at college during COVID, another relative responded “Well at least you won’t have to worry about gaining weight.”

 

            When I hear those comments, part of me immediately realizes its wrong. I want to speak up, but usually I don’t. And I think the reason that I don’t is because I still partially believe that thinness is the ideal. Even though I know that the way I’ve lost weight hasn’t been healthy, a part of me is happy that they’ve noticed. It feels like a compliment: like they’re acknowledging the work I’ve done.

      

           Even if they're complimenting me on "looking strong," I don’t like it because I know they’re still referring to this unrealistic ideal. But I am grateful when people acknowledge the work that I’ve done, not in the way that it’s changed my body, but in the way that it’s enabled me to live a healthier lifestyle. I’ve gotten stronger not because of changing my diet, but because of hiking more, running, and doing yoga daily. And that is something I’m proud of and something I'm grateful to be able to do. Doing these things makes me feel strong and healthy, and I believe that is great.

 

Hiking adventures appreciating what my body can do

     

       However, I will not accept any “compliments” about how my body looks. Because while I’ve gotten stronger, I’ve also lost weight that I shouldn’t have lost. I’ve lost weight because I started a new medication that made me so nauseous I couldn’t stand the thought of food, and would have to force myself to eat small things throughout the day so I won’t pass out. There’s nothing healthy about that. And I’ve lost weight because I’ve had a really bad sore throat for a long time which makes me not want to eat. And that’s not healthy either.

 

            When people compliment me on how my body looks, it doesn’t matter if they’re complimenting me on my weight or the fact that I look “stronger.” It isn’t okay. Because they don’t know the story, they’re only comparing me to what they see as the ideal.

 

            I’m writing this article as a reminder to myself and to others. I don’t need to share my story when I’m “complimented” about my weight loss. And even though a part of me appreciates the compliment because it feels good to match the ideal of “strength” or “wellness,” I am trying to practice being more aware of the problems that come from these messages and start conversations. Try to take a few minutes today to reflect on your thoughts about wellness. What does a healthy body look like to you? Is that what your body actually looks like when it feels its best?

Drought on the Farm

            Currently, the we are facing a major drought on our farm. We can’t irrigate our farm because we don’t have access to enough water (and can’t buy into the town water for another few years). We haven’t had rain in weeks, and although it was supposed to rain both yesterday and today, it didn’t. The first plants to go were lettuces, but now we’re losing our cucumbers and summer squash. Unfortuantely we’re afraid many of our fall brassicas (cabbage, broccoli, etc.) might be next.

            What are we doing on our farm in a drought?

This is a question we’re asking ourselves about a hundred times a day right now. We’re focusing on harvesting as much as we can from the plants that are still alive (especially the ones that might not be for long). We’re not weeding often because we want to leave shade cover and we don’t want to disturb any remaining soil moisture. We’re selling a lot of our garlic and onions early (before they fully dry) because we need to have consistent product to sell.

            What can you do to help your crops during drought?

    The best way to deal with drought is to prevent it from being a problem. If you can, irrigation is a great solution for this. When we have access to water, we use drip tape because it delivers water directly to the roots of plants, thus cutting down on waste involved in many irrigation systems (read more from The Water Efficient Garden here). Another advantage of drip tape is that you can turn it on or off in different crop areas depending on what needs water. 

If you’re watering your plants, you should water in the early morning so that the water doesn’t evaporate before the soil and plants can absorb it.

            When you’re planning your garden, you can also choose to use drought resistant plants and varieties which will hopefully do better during a drought (see a list from The Spruce here ).

            The best way to help your crops during drought is to take an agroecological prospective and build soil moisture. This means to use ecological (natural system based) practices that keep water held in the soil. If you think about a forest, the soil is often damp even when it hasn’t rained. When you contrast that with the image of a dry, dusty field, it’s obvious that nature knows something that we don’t.

Notice the differences between the forest and the field: the forest has many layers of luscious green plants while the field has predominantly one type of plant, and you can see the layers of mulch and tree litter protecting the forest floor.

            How can you build that soil moisture on your farm?

            The best way to build soil moisture is to use compost. Adding compost to your soil increases organic matter (material from broken down plants) which is what holds onto water in your soil. Thus, the higher levels of organic matter in your soil, the more water will be available to the plant roots (and plants absorb water through their roots!). Another great way to keep water in your soil is to use mulch. Leaves or grass clippings (check that they are from an organically managed lawn because some lawn pesticides can harm farm plants) are a great, often cheap mulch. You can also use hay or straw, or even newspaper (but you should wet newspaper to hold it down so it doesn’t all blow away).        

What happens to plants during drought?

            Plants need water to survive. They absorb water through their roots and it travels up their stem. Like in humans, water carries nutrients throughout the plants. Water is most crucial, though, because of its role in photosynthesis. Plants photosynthesize to make sugar for energy. When plants photosynthesize, they release water through their leaves in a process called transpiration. Transpiration is what happens when plants open tiny holes in their leaves (called stomates) which allow gases to pass through. In order for photosynthesis, to happen, plants must take in carbon dioxide and release oxygen. During that process of having the stomates open, water also evaporates from the plants. In order to keep enough water in the plant for the plant to survive and keep its structure and maintain temperature stability, it must be able to absorb water from the roots. If you want to learn more about drought stress on plants, read this article from Biology Reader.

 

 

The plants on the right have been watered, the grass on the left hasn't. Notice how it loses it's shape and color when it doesn't have enough water.

            Basically, for plants to keep their structure and to keep making sugars and supplying oxygen, they need water. During a drought, they can close the stomates so they are no longer losing water to the atmosphere, but this stops them from photosynthesizing, so they can’t make sugars anymore for energy. Essentially, when they have to close the stomates so they don’t get dehydrated, they starve because they can’t make food!

    I hope this gives you more of an understanding of drought and how you can prepare. How do you deal with drought on your farm/garden? Any other ideas/tips?

Tips for Walking Meditation

 “The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive” ~Thich Naht Hanh

One of my favorite ways to meditate is through walking meditation.  When I first started meditating daily, walking meditation was one of the most helpful skills I learned. I had a lot of trouble staying focused and was annoyed by how distracted I would get during sitting meditation. I also was dealing with a lot of chronic pain and sitting still made it much more obvious.

Instead, when I practiced walking meditation, there was something clear to focus on. I could always focus on the feeling of the next step. When I practiced sitting, I would often use the breath as an object of attention, which was really frustrating for me at first because my breath felt so shallow and uneven. However, when I was walking, I no longer had to worry about my breath. The movement in the meditation also helped my body be less distracting with chronic pain.

I have always loved walking barefoot, the strong feeling of connection to the earth. When I used to run and would get frustrated with my progress, I would spend a few days just running barefoot in empty fields. The feeling of barefoot feet striking the grass is so natural to me and empowered my running. Now, I use it to empower my practice.

There are several ways to practice walking meditation. Here’s some helpful links: Plum Village walking meditation with recording, The Chopra Center's Guide to Walking Meditation, Tricycle Magazine's Collection of Advice for Walking Meditation by 9 Teachers, and Thich Naht Hanh's article.

I usually like to practice walking meditation by focusing just on the feeling of the bottom of my foot hitting the ground. Sometimes, if I’m really distracted, I add in a word with each step, either “left, right” or something like “peace.”

Another method I’ve used, that I learned at Blue Cliff Monastery is to time your walking to your breathing. For example, while you inhale take four steps, then as you exhale take four steps (or two or three or whatever feels right).

Walking trails

Here are some tips that have made walking meditation much easier for me/that I use when I find myself getting distracted:

1. Set an intention before you begin. Make it a short phrase in the present tense. Today I used “May I take every step in peace.” But you could also use phrases related to breathing, being present, finding contentment, or any other goal in your meditation.

2. Take a few minutes before you start to focus on your surroundings. First, pay attention to the physical world around you, looking around and feeling what you see without labeling it. Then, notice the entire soundscape around you- sounds nearby, sounds farway, and sounds coming from your body. This way, if you first pay attention to your senses and then turn your focus to your body, you will be less distracted by these senses during your practice.

3. If distractions come up, notice them and go back to your object of attention (usually the feeling of your feet on the earth). Sometimes it can be helpful to label them “birds” or “car”, or it can be helpful to have a phrase you use to remind yourself to refocus “thank you for noticing those sounds, but sounds come and go but the earth is always here.” It can also be a good time to return to your intention that you set at the beginning.

4. If you notice your mind keeps going away and refocusing with phrases or your intention isn’t helping, stop walking. One cool part about walking meditation is that because it’s focused on the feeling of walking, you can easily change that into a distraction. When you stop, intentionally bring your focus back to your body. I like to stand on one foot for a few seconds to really feel the muscles in my foot and the earth on the bottom of my foot. That way, it is really clear to my mind where I should be focusing.

5. Make sure you stop sometimes to check in with yourself. Notice if you have been fully focused on the last few steps that you took. Remind yourself of your intention. Then start walking again and dive deeper into your meditation.

6. Try a different object of meditation. I like to keep the focus on my feet, but there’s so much to notice just in your feet. Notice how your toes feel. Or the ball of your foot. Or your heel. Or, instead of focusing on the feeling of your foot touching the earth, focus on the feeling when it lifts off the earth.

7. Smile. It’s always helpful to focus with a gentle smile to remind your body to feel peaceful and content.

 

Before I practice, I like to listen to this song and during the meditation I frequently remind myself that the mind can wander but instead I can see the image of a flower blooming with each step, and I can choose to focus on that instead.

I also like to listen to this song, because of the idea that regardless of whether you have somewhere to go or not, you don’t need to hurry.

If you haven't practiced walking meditation before, I encourage you to find time today or this week to practice this way. I hope these tips can help you in your practice! Do you have any tips for practicing walking meditation? What has been your experience practicing this way?

 

 

 

Making Your Own Path

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.” 

~ Joseph Campbell

Right now, because of the coronavirus pandemic, many people are finding that their lives look very different than they expected. Whether it’s high school seniors who missed their graduations, professionals losing jobs they believed were secure, or adults in nursing homes who can’t see their loved ones anymore, everyone’s life has changed.

 

For a long time after I got sick, I was upset about the way my life looked. While I was still in college, my life was not what I thought the college life was supposed to be. I spent most of my time in bed: after class I would do my homework from bed until I fell asleep. I missed many campus events, barely saw my friends, and I certainly didn’t go to any parties. There were days when I was so frustrated this reality that I would cry just thinking about what my friends were doing.

 

Unfortunately, it didn’t get any easier once I left college. When I spent my final semester off campus on medical leave, I missed so many events I had dreamed of for my senior year. It wasn’t just the major events, it was the small things: the ability to be a senior advisor to the club I had directed for a year, the weeknights studying in my suite with my friends, spending late nights in the library finishing my thesis research.

 

Even after I graduated, my life still didn’t look like I thought it would. I always thought I would get a “good job” where I’d make a lot of money and live on my own. If I didn’t do that, I would spend a year hiking the Appalachian Trail while figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Instead, I returned to the farm where I had worked previous summers to work part-time while spending most of my free time at doctors appointments.

 

Today, my life still doesn’t look like I imagined. I thought I would have a new job by now, or be hiking the Appalachian Trail. Due to coronavirus, I cancelled my trip (read more here), which while upsetting, I know was what I needed to do.

For the first time in a long time, I’m grateful my life doesn’t look like I imagined. I love my job- I love spending time with the people I work with, playing word games as we work or discussing our newest recipes with the fresh vegetables. I love mornings at the farm- how still the air is before a hot day, the way the whole world seems to be waiting for the first light of the sunrise, the way the whole sky turns pink when it finally rises. I love the work we do- I love working in the dirt to grow delicious food that I know is feeding people who enjoy it. I love spending my days outside. I love having free time to meditate, to read, to take online classes, and to write. I love living at home- spending time with my family, getting to see my friends from high school, and saving money for the future.

 

Beautiful moments at the farm-fresh beets and garlic flowers

I don’t know what my life will look like a year from now, or even three months from now. But for the first time, I’m not worried about it. I trust that I will find a way to live a meaningful life that I enjoy. I believe that I will find a way to pursue my passions and find joy in every day. I don’t want to look back on this year and realize that I spent the whole time wishing it was different. When I look back on this year, I want to know that I appreciated my life as I lived it.

 

I no longer feel pressure to have my life follow the classic “plan.” I don’t need to get what other people consider a good job. If everyone did that, nobody would ever do anything extraordinary. If I spend my whole life trying to follow an already existent path, I will never get to discover my own journey.