I’ve struggled with my mental health in the past, but never to the sudden severity that I have over the last two months. Earlier this year, I moved to a new city and started a new graduate school program. But over the last few months, I’ve noticed myself becoming increasingly depressed, and recently was alarmed by some of the thoughts I was experiencing.
Even though
I was aware of the resources around me, I didn’t know how to get help. I didn’t
want to talk to any of my friends or other people in the program about it. I
didn’t even want to tell my family, because I didn’t want them to worry about
me. It felt like too much effort to go to the counseling center, and I didn’t
want to deal with answering a million questions.
Even though
I really didn’t want to talk about my symptoms, and was afraid of being known
as ‘the person with depression’, there was a part of me that did want to talk
about it. Everyday when my officemate asked how I was, there was a part of me
that wanted to be honest. I even found myself a few times imagining what would
happen if I told my advisor, since I knew he would be supportive.
But as the
symptoms got more severe and started to interfere with my everyday life and
ability to do my work, I realized I needed to get help. I wanted to share the
steps I did (and what happened when I did them) in case they’re helpful to
other people.
First, I
went to the Health Center at my University. I also considered calling the Counseling
Center, which directly addresses mental health. However, I decided to go to the
Health Center for two reasons: I was concerned that there might be a physical
component of the depression and wanted bloodwork done, and because I could
schedule an appointment online which seemed easier than calling.
When I went
to the Health Center, they were very helpful and understanding. First, the
nurse asked a lot of questions and made me do a standard depression assessment
survey. Then, the doctor came in and asked more questions. She ordered the
bloodwork that I wanted, but also told me that they were concerned and needed
me to talk to people at the Counseling Center. So during the appointment, they
had me talk to the Counseling Center (they also talked to them and shared their
assessment and the answers from the assessment), and the counseling center
scheduled an appointment for me later that day. Overall, I really appreciated
the doctor that I saw. I felt like my concerns were taken seriously and that
they were willing to explore different approaches.
The Counseling
Center appointment was also helpful. The Counseling Center at my university
doesn’t do long-term individual counseling due to a lack of staff, so their
primary role is to refer you to the appropriate services. They put me on the
waiting list to see the psychiatrist on campus, and referred me to a list of
local providers I could contact. We also discussed other things I could do in the meantime to support my mental health- prioritizing exercise, time outside, and spending time with friends.
Overall, I
was impressed with the response of the university. Previously, when I’d talked
to doctors about depression, I found that they either dismissed my concerns or
refused to help me. In all of these interactions, I felt listened to and that
my concerns were being taken seriously. I also didn’t feel like I was forced
into anything that I didn’t want, and I felt like I had options in next steps. The
counselor I saw also followed up with me several times over the next few weeks
to make sure that I was following up on the steps that we’d discussed.
None of
these steps solved my depression, but I didn’t expect them to. They did,
however, help me take concrete steps to address the depression that I wasn’t
capable of taking on my own at the time.
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